Now I'm FREAKING OUT!! When I started this whole thing, everything was fine. Everyone cheered me on and wished me luck, but now I'm nowhere near reaching my fundraising goal. Seriously?!
I've done everything I possibly can, starting with the initial email to friends and family. What did I get in return? People upset that I emailed and asked for support from people "I haven't seen or spoken to in weeks." Wow. That's if I even got a response. That happened back in January or February. From there I told everyone in person and, of course, people said that they would help out. Has it happened? No. And I can't even be mad. If people can't help, they can't help. I get that. Really, I do. I can be upset at myself, though, for getting into this.
As for getting out and amongst people, I've called (and gone into) stores/businesses to get permission to set up or asking for a donation of goods to help with the fundraising and, again, got no. Borders (bookstore) was really glad to help out until one day decided that I couldn't solicit customers, not even set up a table outside on the sidewalk with a donation jar and fundraising goodies. Wow.
My company won't help out at all. Not on the corporate OR personal level.
Then in the middle of it all my grandmother got really sick and died. It seriously couldn't have happened at a worse time. I'm still confused over her and it just makes me feel worse about everything. I mean, I'm upset because the money I could have received from family went to pay for her funeral, but I feel guilty thinking about that.
Because of work, I was only able to make two of the team fundraisers. TWO! Most things were done on weekends and working in retail means I can't really do much. Even if they did something from 10-6, I was either working a 9-6 or 12-closing. That means I can't do anything if the fundraising spots they chose are way outside of Dallas.
How does this happen? I really wanted to do this and I thought it would be great. Now all I can do is cross my fingers and hope that next Saturday's fundraiser at wal-mart and wine party does well. I'm sure they won't be the $2,000 (yeah, that much!) that I still need, but I can hope, right?
I should have listened to Wes. From the beginning he said it was a bad idea, he just knew it wouldn't turn out well. So I, of course, had to prove him wrong and jump in head first. It started off terribly and it looks like its going to end that way. Why did I do this? Seriously? Why would I make this kind of commitment? At least when I was doing Race for the Cure it didn't matter how much money you raised. Komen was grateful for whatever they could get. Now I've gone and put myself into debt to the tune of $2,000. Yep, I knew going in that if I didn't raise the money, it would come out of my pocket. Now I'm not sure what that means for my relationship. At this point, I've spent more than has been brought in just because I believed in what I was doing. Guess that's what I get.
I'm losing sleep at night, can't focus at work, and I've taken on poor eating habits. Like right now, at 4am, I'm thinking I should have some butterfinger ice cream because it may make me feel better. If I'm failing at this, what does that mean for my restaurant? Yeah, I'm pretty much feeling like a failure right now. And I never feel like this.
Seriously, I didn't think it would be this hard. Why did I get myself into this? The walk is two weeks from Friday and if I don't have the funds, then I don't walk. After all the training, preparation, and hard work. Swollen hands and feet after walking 10-18 miles during a training walk. All of that only to be told that I can't participate. Why did I do this? I'm having a hard time even believing in the cause myself now.
Like I said before, I can't be mad at anyone but myself. I know my situation and understand other people's situations.